


Safe & Sound

by elenilote



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenilote/pseuds/elenilote
Summary: Kai and Taemin leave the idol life behind and move to Japan for a new life
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 27





	Safe & Sound

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Want](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360490) by [rogue_copywriting_bot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogue_copywriting_bot/pseuds/rogue_copywriting_bot). 



> So this was inspired by RCB's ongoing series where Kai and Taemin are being mistreated by Evil Corp and make plans to leave idol life behind. Their story is a dark one and I wanted to write an AU of their AU where our boys make their escape and live happily ever after.  
> Also eternally grateful to [b_l_u_e__n_i_g_h_t_s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_l_u_e__n_i_g_h_t_s/profile) who wrote about Taemin's five-year plan in the first place. Sorry I stole your idea <3
> 
> Title from the Taylor Swift song

Taemin loved being on stage, loved performing for an audience and hearing them scream his name and sing along to his songs. It was just that he was usually nervous enough to throw up before each performance and the comedown after was equally unpleasant. And tonight had been the last stop of the tour so the audience had been even more enthusiastic than usual. Only thing was, no one in the arena but Taemin himself knew that this was the last time he was ever going to perform. He'd spent more than half his life doing this but finally it was over, this time tomorrow he would be on a plane to Tokyo with Jongin to start their new life. They'd lived this double life under everyone's noses for so long it had become second nature - there were nights when Taemin doubted which version of himself was real. He just had to get through tonight's debrief, unwind with the dancers and the tech people and make nice with the press afterwards.

The management had been so happy with the way the tour had gone, seven sold out dates and positive press reactions after each one. They didn't even argue when Taemin had asked for a weekend off for himself and Jongin, " _yes yes of course, you need some downtime after all_ " - the trip to Japan had been planned but only a handful of people knew that they didn't intend to come back.

To avoid suspicion, Taemin had to leave his apartment mostly untouched. There weren't many things he would miss and those he didn't want to part with (a few books Jonghyun had given him, some precious gifts from fans and little things he'd collected over the years) had been carefully smuggled out by Riki and Koharu on their last visit. Most of the things in his apartment had been chosen by the interior designer suggested by the company, to ensure his home gave out the right impression when seen on camera. As Jongin still lived in the dorms, his personal space was limited to his bedroom so it had been easier for him to pack up his most precious things ready for the move. It wasn't the stuff that they would miss. They'd learned long ago that everything around them was subject to the whims of the company. Leaving would mean losing the people they'd grown up with and the friendships forged over fifteen years of shared suffering and triumphs - that would hurt more than anything else.

Lost in his thoughts for a moment, Taemin didn't notice the commotion in his dressing room at first. Then he heard a familiar laugh and turned around - Minho was standing in the doorway grinning widely.

“Taemin-ah! Congratulations, that was one hell of a finale to an awesome tour. You did so well kid, we’re so proud of you!”

Minho’s excitement was catching, Taemin found himself with a matching grin on his face while being engulfed in a crushing hug.

“Hyung, what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t due back until tomorrow? Not to say I’m not happy to see you - I am - just, you know, surprised.”

”How could I not let my kid brother know how proud I am, you’ve worked so hard for this. I’m really happy for you. And also, I know how lost in your head you get when you finish a tour - wanted to make it easier for you.”

Taemin was going to miss his hyungs so bad. He’d written a letter to each of them, explaining his decision and left them with Riki’s sister to pass on. Minho’s appearance was unexpected and Taemin felt himself tearing up.

“Hey hey, what’s the matter Taeminie? What’s gotten into you now, come here...”

Minho gathered Taemin into another hug, quietly whispering soothing nonsense until Taemin calmed down enough to stop the tears. He wiped his eyes on his shirt - thankfully he hadn’t changed out of this stage clothes yet so a little extra snot and tears wouldn’t matter.

“I don’t know what got into me just now, I guess I’m just emotional that it’s over?"

Minho seemed to buy the little white lie and stayed behind a while longer helping Taemin pack up his things from the dressing room.

"Do you want me to drive you to the hotel? It's no trouble, I'm going that way anyway - we could have dinner?" Minho asked as they walked towards the exit.

It was late enough that everyone but the most dedicated fans had given up waiting. Taemin didn't mind signing a couple of autographs or posing for a picture or two - it was the one thing he actually enjoyed about his life.

"Thank you hyung, some company on the way back would be nice but I don't think I have the energy for an actual dinner. Nini probably has some leftovers of his for me to graze on before I pass out - we have to be at the airport for 6am anyway so the sooner I'm sleeping the better. It was so good to see you, I honestly wasn't expecting it."

They said goodbye at the hotel and Taemin sat down in one of the armchairs in the lobby while manager hyung checked that the room was ready and that there were no unauthorised personnel waiting. He would escort Taemin and Jongin to the airport in the morning and ensure all the details were taken care of, but thankfully would not be accompanying them on the actual vacation. It had actually been the one thing Taemin had insisted on. They would have three days and two nights to themselves without any company people following them around. It had taken a lot of convincing and Taemin had been so close to confessing that Jongin was his boyfriend and they just wanted some time together but of course, that would have ruined their plans so he'd bitten his tongue and played his part.

 _Wouldn't it be best for the company to have their two biggest stars happy and stress-free for the busy promotional period ahead_? SuperM was due to return to the studio for more material in a month, a SHINee comeback was just around the corner and Kai would debut as a solo artist at last by the end of the year. In the end they'd compromised, Taemin and Jongin would be allowed on their holiday unsupervised but in return, they would submit their schedule for each day and check in each night with their respective managers to ensure everything was fine. Taemin was more than okay with that, they would keep to the schedule exactly and dutifully check in - when time came for them to leave, it would be a while before they'd be missed.

"Taemin-ah, come on. I'll help you upstairs, you look dead on your feet," manager hyung shook Taemin's shoulder lightly - he must have dozed off for a minute. 

"Oh sorry, yes I'm ready."

The short trip up to the hotel room felt like an eternity to Taemin, every minute seemed to drag on for an hour. By the time they were on the right floor Taemin was feeling much like a cloth wrung dry – for once he was actually grateful for manager hyung's presence as he didn't think he would have had the energy to wheel his suitcase into the room without falling over. 

"Right, all looks good. I'll be back in the morning to get you to the airport, make sure you both get as much sleep as you can. Good night Taemin." 

Taemin sat down on the bed to clear his head, he still felt anxious and off-balance. He needed a shower to clean the remnants of his stage makeup and get rid of the horrible smell of stale sweat and cologne that stuck to his skin. It just seemed like so much work and he was already so tired. 

There was a soft knock on the door and with Taemin's hoarse "come in", it opened revealing Jongin carrying a plastic bag containing something that smelled really good and wearing his teddy bear pyjama pants and one of Taemin's tour t-shirts. Taemin had never seen a more beautiful sight.

"Hey you. Figured you'd be worn out after the show so I brought some food. Go take a shower and then we can eat."

Taemin was close to crying again.

Jongin. Jongin-ah, his Jonginnie. The one and only person he trusted his everything with. They had no secrets from each other, they were as one being. Nini was the one Taemin was risking everything for, the one who was worth losing everything else for. 

"Yeah, yeah - I'll do that. Thanks for bringing food Nini, I wasn't hungry earlier but now I'm starving! Okay, I'll...um I'll see you in a minute," Taemin cleared his throat but it was getting harder to keep the tears out so he beckoned Jongin to take a seat somewhere and escaped into the shower. 

The hot water felt good, Taemin closed his eyes and stood under the spray trying to clear his head. Just a few more hours and they would be out of here. A couple more days and they would be free.

_Just a few more hours, a couple more days. Just a little longer, just a little more._

Taemin leaned his head against the cool tiles of the shower, he had to get himself together - if he had a meltdown now it would be difficult to claw his way back to at least a semblance of normality in time for their departure in the morning. And that would lead to questions, there would be worried phone calls back and forth, everything would be delayed and their carefully laid plans ruined. Good thing then that Taemin had a lifetime of experience with hiding his true feelings behind a careful mask of pretty smiles. 

"Taemin-ah, come on - time to get out. You've been in here for nearly half an hour already and the food is getting cold. Come on, come on - let me help you," Jongin's words filtered through the white noise of the water - Taemin had once again lost track of the time. 

Jongin dried Taemin carefully, making sure to avoid the fresh bruises that were still too tender to touch - Taemin had been a little more careless with himself lately than was wise - and wrapped him in one of the fluffy bathrobes supplied by the hotel. They sat together on the small sofa with Taemin leaning on Jongin's shoulder while Jongin dished out the food. 

"Alright, here we go. Please try to eat as much as you can and then you'll get to sleep, please?" 

The food looked delicious, noodles and vegetables (Nini knew he wouldn't be able to stomach any meat this late at night and Taemin was so grateful) and there was even a small box of sugary cereal to finish off. But Taemin wasn't hungry, objectively he knew he should eat but he just had no appetite. He snuggled up closer to Jongin, trying to make himself even smaller to stave off the hunger but of course his boyfriend noticed - he was an expert at reading Taemin. 

"Not feeling it, Taemin-ah? Ah, you must be so tired when even the promise of cereal doesn't get you eating. Here, let me help you - we need to get at least something in you, okay?" 

Taemin was really too tired to argue so he let Jongin feed him small bites of food while filling the silence with talk about whatever crazy scheme Baekhyun had cooked up again and fooled the young ones to take part in. He talked about Jongdae and the new baby, Chanyeol and his latest girlfriend trouble and the time when Kibum had pranked EXO to take part in a fake fashion contest. The last one managed to make Taemin smile, they'd had such a laugh over that for a long time. Junmyeon had been so outraged and him and Onew hyung had grounded them all for the weekend for misbehaving. 

Soon enough he'd eaten his fill and they packed the leftovers away - someone would take care of them in the morning. Jongin helped Taemin into his softest pyjamas - the ones with little stars and moons on them - and got up to make his way to his own room. Suddenly Taemin was struck by an irrational fear that if he let Jongin go now, he'd never see him again. 

"Nini...please can you...can you please not go? Can you...please just stay? Please, I... I just can't...I can't be alone..." and he was crying again. Great, heaving sobs that he couldn't seem to stop. It was all just too much suddenly, the fear of falling at the last hurdle taking over his thoughts. Taemin had planned for this so carefully, kept Jongin safe for so long and pretended for so many years, he wasn't sure he could do this any longer. 

"Oh baby. Taeminie, sweetheart. Shhh, of course I'll stay - you don't have to ask twice." 

Jongin dug up a box of tissues from somewhere for Taemin and guided him to sit on the edge of the bed. He made Taemin go through breathing exercises to calm himself, gave him some water to drink and held Taemin’s hand all the while. It took a few minutes but at last Taemin was calm.   
  
They'd shared a hotel room many times before of course, and it wouldn’t raise any alarms if Jongin was found in Taemin’s bed in the morning. The management even encouraged it, going so far as to ensure they shared a room together whenever SuperM was touring and then 'accidentally' filming them waking up in the same bed - all staged of course. Taemin didn't mind really, it all fit in with his plan - giving the company and the public just enough to keep them interested while maintaining that they were 'just friends'. The little apartment they'd rented anonymously was their safe haven, the only place they could be themselves – they were watched everywhere else for every minute of their lives. So while Taemin wanted nothing more than to feel all of Jongin against his own naked skin, it wasn't safe. Sleeping would have to be enough for a little while longer.

Morning came too soon and not soon enough as always. Taemin was tempted to ignore it but they really couldn't afford to miss their flight. Jongin was still asleep so Taemin hit snooze for ten more minutes on the alarm and snuggled his way back inside the covers. Next thing he knew was manager hyung calling his name in an increasingly amused tone.

"Taemin, Jongin - come on boys, you have twenty minutes to get dressed and ready. Jongin, I figured I'd find you here since your room was empty - I've packed your bags and brought you clothes to wear, they're on the chair. Come on, no time to waste."

They were ready with three minutes to spare. They had only packed for the weekend, after all, as far as everyone else was concerned they would be back on Monday. With one last glance in the mirror, Taemin adjusted his facemask and cap and then they were on their way. The company had leaked their location of course, though not their destination so the hotel entrance had quite a crowd. It was a mix of photographers, TV hosts and fans of course - they stopped to sign a few things and posed for a couple of photographs before being herded into the car. It was pretty much the same scene at the airport, again they spent a couple of minutes signing things and posing for photos - though this time they didn't answer any questions about their travel plans. 

"OK boys, here are your tickets and passports - Jongin please can you make sure Taemin doesn't lose his again? Have fun, you've been working so hard lately, you really deserve a holiday. Don't forget to call me tonight so I know you've made it safe. See you both on Monday, I will be here to pick you up again. Now go, you'll be late."

Taemin had declined the company's offer of a car in Tokyo saying it was unnecessary as they'd both visited multiple times already so knew their way around easily. They would get a taxi to their hotel, drop their stuff in their room and head out to lunch with Koharu - she would have the keys to their new studio and apartment ready as well as some additional paperwork to sign. The anxiety and worry he'd been carrying around so long was slowly getting replaced by butterflies in his stomach. 

"Jonginnie, can you believe we're almost free? We never have to go back, ever," Taemin whispered, holding Jongin's hand tight. 

Jongin smiled and leaned his head on Taemin's shoulder as was his habit, "yeah, I can't quite believe it's real yet. Not until we're actually there," he replied just as quietly. It wasn't as if the stewardesses would care if they overheard but it was a habit of a lifetime, being careful about their words. 

They held hands all the way from the plane, through passport control and security and suddenly the exit to the arrivals hall was in sight. Taemin stopped for a second to catch his breath, he was going to cry again from sheer relief this time - he just needed to compose himself. Jongin's steady presence at his side helped, he was shielding Taemin from curious eyes while he got himself together. 

"Right. I'm good now, I promise. It's just...it's a bit much - finally being here," Taemin smiled and squeezed Jongin's hand.

The arrivals hall was full of noise and it took Taemin a moment to orient himself to locate the taxi stand. But before they walked more than a couple of steps, there was a shrill whistle and a shout in Korean " _Sunbaenim_! This way!" 

Taemin turned in confusion, who was calling in Korean in the middle of Tokyo airport? Soon he spotted a pair dressed in identical grey hoodies with the SuperM logo on them standing just to the end of the greeting line - Riki and Santa had come to meet them. How on earth had they found out, Taemin couldn't figure out – he’d planned to contact Riki the following day once they’d settled in - but he was so glad to see familiar faces. 

"Rikimaru, _ohisashiburi desu -_ how are you??? And Santa, how...we didn't tell anyone our schedule - how did you know we were coming?" 

There were hugs and laughs traded on all sides, Taemin still couldn't quite believe it. He was here, his friends had travelled to see them and make them feel welcome. 

"We called your company and said we were from the car service you'd booked but we'd lost the exact time you were coming. The girl was happy to give me your flight details so here we are. Jongin-san, how are you? It's been at least what, a year since I've last seen you?" 

Riki's car was at the lot closest to the terminal so they had only a short walk and it passed in happy conversation - Taemin couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Jongin so animated as now that he was chatting with Santa in Japanese. Riki was walking beside him in friendly silence, Taemin was grateful for that - it gave him a chance to collect himself.

"I thought we'd drop our stuff at the hotel before heading out, we promised to meet Koharu for lunch. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you two joined us too?" 

Riki's bright laugh felt like the first breath of spring after a long winter and Taemin couldn't help his own answering smile in return.

"Ah Taemin-san, we're ahead of you already. Yes, we will join you for lunch and then afterwards we'll check out the studio to make sure it's what you want before you sign the final papers. I'm pretty sure you two are going to love it but I know how high your standards are so let's just make sure, eh? In any case, I have a couple of backups in case the first one doesn't work out. Don't worry so much, it's all going to be fine - I promise."

Lunch was a rowdy affair, the five of them crammed into a booth in a small family-owned restaurant rumoured to serve the best gyudon in town. Due to its small size, the waiting list for the restaurant was months-long but apparently Koharu was a regular customer and knew the owner well as they walked in to find their table already prepared. They ate well, drank their weight in tea and caught up with each other's lives since the last time they'd all been together. Santa and Riki were busier than ever with WARPS and Koharu's time was taken mostly with teaching and custom choreography commissions. The actual reason they were all together was avoided for the duration of lunch, no one wanting to ruin a good time with talking about serious things. 

"So, Taemin, Jongin - how do you want to do this then? Are you planning to wait until Sunday night before you leave or would you prefer to rip the band-aid off now and get it over and done with? Either way, everything is ready for you - your things are at the apartment, your papers are ready and waiting - all that's left to decide is the studio," Koharu pulled an envelope from her bag and handed it to Jongin.

"I think," Jongin glanced at Taemin before continuing "we would like to see the studio first and we'll go from there. And then afterwards we can check out the apartment, though I'm sure you've done a great job with it."

The studio turned out to be great. It had two dance rooms - one with a barre for ballet as Jongin had requested - an airy waiting room, a small office at the back and squeezed in at the end of the hallway, even a small changing room. It was enough to accommodate a dozen students but not too big to be unmanageable for two people. Everything was bright and airy, the waiting room wall had a beautiful floral mural painted on it in soft, muted colours. Even the office had a large window on one wall, making it feel bigger than it actually was - this was where Taemin could work on lesson plans and do his paperwork while Jongin taught classes. It was perfect. 

"Guys, this is...this is more than we dreamed of. It's actually pretty much perfect in every way. I cannot believe you got something like this from our vague descriptions, I am genuinely impressed. And it's within our budget?" At Koharu's confirmation that indeed, the seller had accepted their offer Jongin whooped and picked up Taemin in a hug. 

They signed the papers on the floor of the studio (there was no furniture yet but Koharu assured them it would be here in a couple of days) and just like that, Mr Choi Jongin and Mr Park Taemin were proud owners of Singsaeng Dance. Sure, it would be hard work from here on, attracting students and making the place work but that was a problem for the future. For today, this was enough.

"That's that then guys, next stop is the apartment. Yumeri made sure all your stuff was shipped over and she sent some extra stuff too - you'll see when you get there, you guys ready?" Taemin could see Riki was practically vibrating with excitement, it made him wonder what the hell had they done at the apartment? 

"Yeah, sure let's go. It's not far from here, right? You said it's walkable on a nice day?"

"It's two stations with the metro but you can walk it if you want - it's pretty straightforward either way."

The apartment was on the 6th floor of a 17-story building situated a few minutes' walk from the metro station. On the outside the building looked identical to a hundred other ones in the district, plain but well-maintained - exactly what they'd wanted. The building lobby had a reception desk for visitors and the door to the stairwell and the elevator was accessible to residents only - a small but important detail to ensure peace of mind. They wouldn't get any unwanted visitors here.

Apartment 612 was the last one at the end of the small hallway, they stopped at the door and Riki handed the keys to Taemin. 

"I think you need to see it on your own first, we'll wait out here."

As no further explanation was offered, Taemin inserted his key and slowly pushed the door open. 

The first thing he noticed was the quiet. He was used to the way the walls of his Seoul apartment could never quite keep away the noise of the world outside but he could hear nothing like it here. The second thing was actually Jongin's reaction, he'd walked forward a few steps and stopped with an audible gasp.

"Taem, Taeminie - they...you have to see this!"

Curious now, Taemin stepped in front of Jongin and saw immediately what he'd meant. In front of him opened a large open space comprising of a living area and an open-plan kitchen. To the left of him was a sleek, white piano and next to it an orange couch and a large TV on the wall opposite. In short, it was almost an exact replica of his home back in Seoul - down to the fluffy rug on the floor that Taemin had mourned leaving behind (it felt like walking on clouds, one of the few things he'd chosen himself). 

Looking closer, Taemin could see that the furniture and decorations were closely matching those that he'd one time or another commented on having chosen himself - none of the stuff the company decorators had selected were anywhere to be seen. But the best thing was that everywhere he looked he could see small reminders of Jongin and the life they'd lived together. Their personal awards were displayed neatly in a cabinet, the gifts from fans on the window sill and even the stupid cheap trophies they'd collected as trainees.

They went around the room hand in hand, checking little things and commenting softly on what they saw. They opened kitchen cupboards and laughed at what they saw - sky blue plates and yellow cups, bowls in pearl aqua and glasses in shades of green, red and orange. There was even a cabinet full of the gorgeous bronzeware used for special occasions back home. The pantry was already fully stocked, even including Taemin's favourite cereal - how did they know that and where had they bought it in Tokyo??? 

There were two bedrooms and they gingerly opened the door to the first one. It was clearly designated as a working space, containing a long desk along one wall and a sofa against another with a stereo system next to it. It was set up like the work spaces they had at the company offices where they played with compositions and wrote lyrics and planned choreographies. The walls were painted pale blue and it felt...calming. Calming and peaceful but inspirational at the same time. 

The second door led to their bedroom ( _their_ _room!_ ) and Taemin hesitated and turned to Jongin.

"It's been perfect so far, I'm kinda scared to see what the bedroom looks like. I mean...we've never had one for the two of us, I don't know what to expect."

Jongin kissed him, soft and gentle and soothing like Taemin was something precious and delicate (well, guess he was - compared to Jongin at least).

"I'm sure it will be perfect too, why are you worrying? And if it isn't, well it's ours so we change anything we want in it. Stop getting lost in your head and let's check it out, the others are waiting to hear what we think."

They opened the door together and stopped in the doorway, not quite believing what they were seeing. The room was painted in soft hues of green and pale pink, the flowing white curtains framing the large windows had small red flowers on them and the soft rug under their feet was white and fluffy. The double bed was set against the wall facing the door, between the two windows on each wall beside it. It was made with soft green sheets but the covering was done in bright, vibrant colours. 

Jongin gasped and moved to the bed, picking up a corner of the covering and turning to Taemin. He had tears in his eyes and Taemin grew worried - was there something wrong? 

"It's my parents'. I've seen it in my parents' bedroom all my life Taeminie, my sisters' babies were wrapped in it when they were born. How...how is it here? We haven't told them, how did they..." he was crying openly now and it was Taemin's turn to comfort his boyfriend.

"I don't know Nini, I really don't know how it came to be here but I'm sure there's an explanation." Taemin picked up his phone and sent a quick text asking for their friends to come in. He sat Jongin down on the edge of the bed and wrapped the precious blanket around his shoulders.

It was Riki who explained. "Your sister ran into Yumeri one day when she was carrying your stuff to the studio. Yumeri didn't say anything, I promise but it seems Jungah must have seen something of yours because a few days later this arrived in a package to the studio. It only came with a small note saying that it held special meaning to the people sending it as well the one receiving it and they hoped it would find its way to the right person. I swear we didn't know it would upset you so, I am sorry." 

Jongin explained the history of the coverlet in between hiccups and small sobs, reassuring their friends that he was not upset at all - just emotional as he hadn't expected to have something from his childhood home with him in his new life. 

After Santa made a round of tea for everyone to calm any more lingering emotional upsets, it was decided that Taemin and Jongin would head back to the hotel for the night and meet up with the others later the next day for dinner. They would spend the day with the preplanned agenda - they might as well take advantage of the company paying for the trip while they could. 

Riki drove them to the hotel, Santa and Koharu having said their goodbyes at the apartment already - they had other plans. Taemin felt drained and so very tired but happy too, all his plans leading to this moment were working out. 

They ordered room service, neither wanting to head down to the hotel restaurant for dinner. Afterwards Jongin picked up his tablet and placed a video call to his manager, telling him what a lovely day they'd had exploring Tokyo and the plans they had for the next day. Even after all this time, Taemin was still stunned at the performance Jongin was putting on. He _became_ Kai for a few minutes, everything from his body language to his speech pattern changing to portray the image the company wanted of him. While Taemin had seen it many times and of course, did the same himself - it was still scary seeing close up like this. As Jongin finished his call, he stood up and walked to the bathroom - he always needed a minute to decompress and get back into himself after situations like this. As much as Taemin wanted to go in and comfort him, they'd done this often enough for him to respect Jongin's need to do this his own way. It was his turn now anyway so Taemin took a deep breath and picked up his phone to dial manager hyung as he'd promised.

"Hyung, hey. All is fine here; we've had an exhausting but great day. We met up with some acquaintances for lunch and then walked around the city. It was great seeing which of the places we knew before had changed and which had stayed exactly the same. Tomorrow? Well, depending on the weather but we were going to check out Ueno Park and see the pandas at the zoo. I'll call you tomorrow night then, once we're back at the hotel. Have a good night!" 

Taemin thought (hoped, really) that they'd done a good enough job convincing everyone that they were complying with the agreed schedule and that no one would notice them planning anything other than an innocent holiday. Putting his phone away for now, Taemin pulled out a small notebook from his bag by the bed. It was the latest in a series he'd kept over the years. At first, during his trainee days it had been an innocent diary. Just a collection of his disjointed thoughts regarding his teenage self, sometimes musings on his surroundings and his fears of not being good enough to debut.

Looking back, he'd been so naive. He'd never even considered that the management would read his diary and change their treatment of him based on what he'd written. But it was easy to see now, how whenever he expressed his delight at being good at something ( _dancing, always dancing_ ), his lessons in that area became more intense and challenging and whenever something didn't work ( _he really could barely sing back then_ ) they switched the teacher or the method or swapped lessons around until it clicked. Later, after his debut and when SHINee took off he'd gotten smarter and started noticing things around him - like how private calls and emails were quoted in disciplinary meetings they’d held when he'd not performed to standard. Soon he'd started writing the journal in Japanese, under the guise of learning the language after SHINee's stay in Japan. After testing his plan by writing simple exercises in his book and leaving it out for someone to read, they'd left his journal alone.

His first five-year plan was made a few months into Jongin’s debut. Jongin had been put on a strict diet and exercise plan to get him ready for the debut which officially should have ended by now. Instead he’d been privately told that he hadn’t quite made the impact they’d hoped so he needed to work harder to achieve the level required of him. To Taemin’s horror Jongin had continued to get slimmer and more tired each day until he collapsed on stage at the grand rehearsal for the annual award show. The incident had been chalked up to nerves for the press but Taemin had overheard the manager tell Jongin (or _Kai_ , when he was on stage) that he should be ashamed for embarrassing everyone like this and should it happen again he would be out. That night Taemin had held a crying and scared Jongin in his arms in their small bed and vowed to stop this.

The first plan had been very simple, save enough money to make it on their own after their contract had expired - maybe even buy out the remainder if needed. He hadn't thought much beyond that, just a simple wish that one day things would be better. But as the years went by, their plans changed and became more intricate. Taemin researched investment funds and offshore accounts, consulted lawyers under a false name and investigated how one would obtain false papers. There were other plans too, personal ones - after Jongin became more than just a friend, when he became the most important person in Taemin's universe. He started planning other dreams, the kind he'd never thought he would be allowed. Marriage, family, children. Building a life somewhere far away from the spotlight, to live a simple life with the person he loved. 

There were only a couple of empty pages at the back of the journal - but they were the most important ones. Taemin called out for Jongin, asking him to come and sit on the bed with him.

"I... I wanted to show you something. It's something I wrote down a long ago, back when you first kissed me behind the magnolia tree in the garden. You know all the things we planned to get here, but...I never showed you these because I never thought we would get them but now...now I think we could and I think that maybe you need to see them now? Go on, read it - I'll wait."

They sat in silence while Jongin read the notes Taemin had made in his neat handwriting. He could recite the section headers in his sleep, "Marriage rights in Japan", "Education" - and on the first otherwise empty page "Nini and babies" and "Puppies". Taemin chewed on a fingernail while he waited for Jongin to finish and come up with an answer. It was important, if he objected to anything at all Taemin would not force it - but he hoped he'd read his Nini right and their dreams matched. 

After a long ten minutes Jongin closed the notebook and sat quiet for a moment without raising his eyes from the book in his hands. 

"Taeminie, baby. We've known each other for more than half our lives by now. You've always known all of me, I have no secrets from you but I always thought you were keeping something from me. Nothing bad, I knew that much but still it always worried me - not knowing this secret you were hiding. And this...this journal, it's the secret isn't it? You've planned a whole life for us without ever asking me if these are things that I want too?" Jongin sighed and finally looked up at Taemin with a serious expression, he looked almost sad and Taemin's heart skipped. Would this be it? Had he misread Jongin all these years after all?

And then Jongin smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling and the dimples in his cheeks coming to life. 

"You dumb idiot. How could you not know that I want these things with you as well? I want everything in this book, all the things you've planned - the marriage, the kids, the puppies. How can you not know you're my everything? How can you not know that I would do anything you asked, you've given up so much to get us here - the very least you deserve in return is to have what you want." 

Jongin laughed as Taemin tackled him onto the bed, both feeling a little foolish for doubting one another but relieved that they were on the same page after all. Taemin flopped onto his back, breathless and feeling light as a feather. 

"So maybe we could go to the rescue centre tomorrow to see about getting a dog? I want something small and fluffy, the kind that just wants to sleep on the couch all day. And then...on Monday we could visit the City Office and get registered? I know we can't get married just yet but it would be a start," Taemin was interrupted by Jongin shushing him. 

"Taeminie, stop fussing. I meant it. All the things you wrote down I want too, don't worry about it. We don't have to do it all immediately you know, we've already got the studio and the apartment. Yeah we can get a dog, but after that let’s just relax for a while. I'm not going anywhere so let’s just…enjoy that our plans are all done."

They checked out after breakfast the next day. Jongin kept his tablet - he'd bought it only a few weeks ago - but they left their phones behind 'accidentally' in the hotel room. They visited the rescue centre and put in a reservation on a small mixed breed dog that reminded Taemin of Kibum's pups - the centre promised to do a home visit in a few days' time and subject to approval they would be able to take the dog home after that. Jongin went ahead to meet Riki and Santa for dinner while Taemin picked up Koharu - he just wanted a moment alone with his closest friend who'd made all this possible. 

"We're going to take the evening train to Osaka after dinner and stay out there for a few days - just in case someone comes asking questions. I'll leave the spare keys with you so you can get in the studio when the furniture arrives and you know, water the plants and make sure we have food when we get back. And... I couldn't have done this without you. You've risked your reputation on this too, don't think I don't know what it would have cost you if we'd been found out. So thank you, for believing in me all those years ago when we first started planning this. Thank you for being there for me - for us - and thank you for introducing Riki and Santa all those years ago. You three have become the best friends we could ever have wished for." 

No one commented on their puffy, red-rimmed eyes or slightly smudged makeup once they arrived at dinner. The conversation was kept to happy, light-hearted topics but Jongin hugged Koharu a bit longer than usual when they said goodbye. 

The trip to Osaka only took a couple of hours and Taemin had planned it so that their agreed check-in time with the management would be well over by the time they'd arrive. They would be excused for one night but be expected to make contact by the morning. But of course they wouldn’t - not tomorrow or ever again.

While Jongin dozed beside him with his head on Taemin’s shoulder, Taemin thought back on the life they’d left behind. He wouldn’t miss the prison his life had become, the endless surveillance and management of his very person down to the colour of his hair and the length of his fingernails. The endless training hours, the ever-changing diets and the gruelling promotional schedule were also not going to be missed. Taemin had loved performing though and the knowledge that he would never be able to stand in front of a sold-out crowd night after night and bask in their adoration was…not nice and Taemin didn’t really want to linger any further on that right now. Mostly he wondered how the people they’d left behind would react to discovering their disappearance.

Taemin thought of his family and how his parents were used to him being out of touch for months on end with his busy schedule. Maybe he could ask Yumeri to contact them later when the initial storm had passed and just let them know that they were fine. He thought of his SuperM family and while Baekhyun would undoubtedly be hurt he would understand – it was the younger members that Taemin worried about. He could see himself in Ten and Taeyong, they were both incredibly strong but also so very fragile – but he hoped Baekhyun would step up and take care of them. Lucas looked upon Jongin as his hero and mentor and would undoubtedly be upset but him and Mark were still young and would bounce back fast.

Most of Jongin’s band members were scattered all over the place, four of them in the military and Yixing had been in China for a few years now. Undoubtedly Jongin’s departure would be a shock but they would understand. Taemin missed his own members so much it physically hurt, they were closer than most due to having come together at such a young age. He could really use Minho’s sensible advice and Kibum’s sharp wit right about now, but it was Onew hyung that Taemin had cried over the most. Back when they’d been trainees, even before they’d known they would debut together, Onew hyung had been there for Taemin. He’d become an older brother, a father figure and a leader all in one – the one person Taemin had always known would be there for him. And now he’d gone and let him down, would hyung forgive him for leaving? Taemin hoped so, he had to believe so.

But now was not the time to get melancholy over things that could no longer be changed. This was the choice they’d made – perhaps the only thing they’d chosen freely since entering the idol life. For the next few days they’d play tourist around Osaka, take in the sights and enjoy walking hand in hand without fear. Taemin planned to take Jongin to the Ohatsu Tenjin to send a prayer for their relationship as was the custom by many young couples before them, they would visit the parks and sit in cafes and eat at cozy little restaurants. All the things that other people their age did but they’d never had the opportunity to do before. Taemin was determined to make this new life the best it could be, they deserved it. They could finally live and love openly, be free and never have to hide themselves again. 

**Author's Note:**

> So our cast are all Taemin's Japanese friends who live and work in Tokyo.  
> Rikimaru is the choreographer who's worked with Taemin on 'Famous' and 'Eclipse' to name a few. His sister Yumeri runs a dance studio in Seoul.  
> SANTA is the dancer who most famously performed with Taemin on 'Rise'. SANTA and Riki run a dance/choreography group called WARPS together.  
> And Koharu is the choreographer and dancer behind many of Taemin's finest work such as 'Sayonara Hitori', 'Move' and also SHINee's 'Goodnight'.


End file.
